My eight-year-old and I were playing Star Realms, a card game where you must reduce the other player’s Authority points, which are like life points, to zero. I was doing well and had greatly lowered his points, but he didn’t like that. He got irate and didn’t listen when I told him I was playing by the rules. He cried so much that I stopped the game.
I don’t hold it against him that
he got emotional. Losing can be hard, even for grown-ups. I’ve seen adults get
angry, rude, or accuse others of cheating when they lose. Some of them try to
spoil the fun for everyone or say the game is unfair. They are not good at
losing gracefully.
Losing is part of playing any game, no matter what game it is, how good you are, how good your opponent is, or where you play. Sometimes you lose because you make bad choices, and sometimes you lose even when you make good choices. The key is not to let your emotions take over when you lose but to think about it objectively and logically. That way, you can learn from your mistakes and improve. It’s not easy to control your emotions, because they are part of being human. But I would like to think that we are also smart humans who can reason things out, reflect, and evaluate matters logically.
Yet, before we proceed with
devising reasons for certain behaviours linked to defeat, let’s start by
understanding what we expect to gain from playing board games. We can reasonably
assume that we primarily play them for fun and for socialising. Board games can
also teach, but that’s not our focus here. We expect that the other players at
the table, like us, enjoy board games and perhaps want to learn more about
them. We also look forward to interacting with other like-minded persons at the
gaming table in a spirit of camaraderie. These are the things which we can plausibly
assume players will expect when they join a game.
The following discussion leans towards games that contain an element of luck or
randomness within them. While what will be said can be applied to games of
perfect information, like Chess or Go, we will be focusing on games that cannot
be fully controlled but whose variance can only be managed within reason.
So, what happens then when a
player breaks down following a loss. Where does the initial motivation or the fun
component go? The issue here I think is an intricate mesh of competing thoughts
inside the player’s head. These thoughts could in turn be linked to the
character and/or personality of that same player. If a player tends to take
everything personally, a loss can come across as a hard emotional blow,
likewise if a player tends to be hyper-competitive, he or she may make the life
of those around the table a little difficult. This happens more frequently as
the single-minded, pursuit of victory equals or exceeds the other motivations
that might have led to the initial engagement.
The crucial question lies in how
we can avoid succumbing to disruptive emotional or psychological pitfalls. I
propose that a sensible understanding of play’s essence, particularly the
inherent variability woven into the games we partake in, can guide us towards
objectively reviewing outcomes. As we cultivate this perspective, we begin to
appreciate the delicate balance between winning and losing without compromising
our overall enjoyment. Our aim should shift from grasping at results to
focusing on the process itself. In doing so, we gain the ability to step back
and analyse the intricacies of play and achievements with a detached yet
insightful approach. Only then can we slip subtly into a quasi-effortless
learning process that becomes both enriching and rewarding.
From micro-stakes tournaments to
the allure of the World Series of Poker (WSOP), my journey through No-Limit
Texas Hold'em has been a masterclass in loss management. While poker often
carries a negative stigma, modern tournaments, especially the WSOP, have helped
me shed light on its strategic depth. Beyond the surface of deception and
bluffing, the game hinges on exploiting odds, understanding variance, and
mastering the art of reading physical “tells”. Tells can be described as those
involuntary physical cues that betray the true strength of an opponent's hand.
This intricate blend of mathematical prowess and keen observation elevates
poker to a game of skill, where chips become currency and weapons.
For me, the true lesson wasn't in
winning, but in how I learned to handle losses. Despite playing at micro-stakes
or even "play" money, the emotional swings were very real. The euphoria of a
tournament win was countered by the sting of a bad beat or a well-timed bluff
that occasionally still went invariably wrong. The mental state following such
losses, as poker players know, is referred to as "steaming"; a
feeling as intense as a kettle boiling over. When a player enters this dangerous
mindset, behaviour becomes erratic which could lead to further losses and more
grief.
In the case of poker and in the
face of losses, I had the foresight to step away from the game, disengage from
the online platform, and pursue other activities. I resisted the temptation to
chase my losses, a decision not everyone possesses the strength to make. Yet,
mere withdrawal could not fully alleviate the sting of defeat. In the heat of
the moment, frustration reigned supreme, prompting me to vow (on a few
occasions) to never play poker again. As emotions settled, I engaged in a post-game
analysis, meticulously reviewing the hands played, right up to the sequence
leading to the crucial moment when everything crumbled. This introspective
process fostered learning, enabling me to distinguish between losses rooted in
my own miscalculations and those caused by unfavourable variances. This clarity
facilitated my emotional recovery, allowing me to regain a newfound
appreciation for the game.
My experiences with poker aside,
my main motivation for playing remains the pure joy of the experience. Whether
it's cards or board games, I always prioritize enjoyment. The moment that
element diminishes; I find it best to move on.
Another example worth considering
is Marvel Snap, an electronic card game that, while not a traditional board
game, still embodies many of the core elements of classic card and board games.
It demands deck manipulation skills, a nuanced understanding of card synergies,
and an appreciation for the role of randomness in gameplay.
This card game is tailored for
its primary platform, smartphones, resulting in fast-paced matches, tight decision-making,
and compact decks. With only 12 cards available per match, players must
strategically utilise their resources to maximize their impact. Cards are
deployed to one of three locations, each with unique rules that influence their
behaviour. These locations are unveiled progressively, one per turn, starting
from turn 1, adding an element of anticipation and strategic planning.
Moreover, each location can accommodate a maximum of four cards per player,
emphasizing the importance of careful card placement and resource management. A
single misstep could have dire consequences due to this limited capacity.
The game's brilliance lies in its
versatility, offering players a multitude of strategies to maximize their
points or hinder their opponent's progress. Decks can be constructed to exploit
card synergies, enhancing their base value through strategic manoeuvres. Other
decks can capitalize on discarding and destroying cards, increasing the value
of the remaining ones. Some strategies focus on relocating cards between the
three available locations, gradually increasing their worth with each move. And
of course, there are disruptor cards that compel opponents to take control of
negative-scoring cards or destroy their own cards (or locations) at a cost.
With such a diverse array of
strategies, it is no wonder that no single deck can guarantee consistent
victory. A flexible deck capable of adapting to different situations will yield
higher win rates, but even then, losses are inevitable. To maintain an edge,
decks must evolve as new players develop countermeasures. The game's developers
also regularly rebalance the cards, nerfing those proving too overpowered or favouring
specific card combinations.
Returning to the motivations for
playing board games, I must acknowledge that the desire to socialise often
takes precedence over other objectives. While winning is undoubtedly enjoyable,
it's not the primary goal in every instance. I derive immense satisfaction from
observing my friends as they embark on a journey of learning a new game
alongside me. Witnessing their engagement with the rules, their thoughtful
decision-making and the lively banter that ensues fills me with joy. One of my
most cherished, recent memories, lies in playing Wingspan with a group of close
friends who were new to the game. Despite my loss, the experience was truly
exhilarating, and I would gladly play another game with them anytime.
The essence of board games lies
in embracing the element of uncertainty. If we knew exactly how to win every
time, the thrill of the game would be lost, and victory would become mundane.
The beauty of modern board games lies in their inherent variability, allowing
for a multitude of strategies and outcomes. This unpredictability is what makes
winning even more rewarding, as it signifies not just strategic brilliance but
also a touch of luck.
However, what do you say to an eight-year-old
who finds the prospect of losing disheartening? Appealing to mindfulness or
focusing on the moment is not an easy topic to impart to a young kid. Here's my
advice: Begin by explaining, in a way that the child can comprehend, that a
certain degree of luck is inherent in most games. Furthermore, that this
element of luck cannot be truly controlled, only managed as a player’s
understanding of a game increases.
There is a risk that the child
might develop a superstitious mindset about games involving chance. This is
something you want to avoid. Emphasise that dice and cards have no memory and
that each game is a standalone event.
So, if you can't explain the
concept in a way the child can grasp, what then?
If explaining the concept of luck
and chance proves ineffective, the prudent course of action is to steer clear
of confrontational, PvP-style games. It's better to postpone these games until
the child develops the emotional maturity to handle them appropriately.
Alternatively, consider introducing competitive games through the team format.
By working as part of a group, the child might be more resilient in the face of
defeat.
Yet, while my suggestions here
have led to how one could possibly help kids manage wins and losses, these
recommendations can also be adapted to an adult audience if necessary. More so
if you happen to know that you will be tackling a few players who cannot lose
gracefully. In such situations, I would advise a less confrontational gaming experience
centred around cooperative games, a refreshing departure from the competitive
Euro-style games. These cooperative adventures pit players against the game
itself, fostering teamwork and celebrating shared triumphs. The Pandemic
series, along with its numerous spin-offs and re-skins, exemplifies the success
of cooperative gaming engines.
I would now like to end this
discussion with a few pointers for event organisers who might still wish to
introduce competitive Euro-style games to their gaming group. It is my belief
that board and card games can provide a rich, multifaceted experience,
combining intellectual stimulation, social interaction, and pure enjoyment.
Yet, they also introduce the inevitability of defeat, which can be challenging
for some players to accept graciously.
As a game event organiser, you
will need to maintain a positive and inclusive gaming environment. To
effectively address players who, you know struggle with handling losses,
consider employing the following recommendations:
-
Emphasise the joy of the game, reminding players
that it's about camaraderie, personal growth, and the shared experience, not
just winning.
-
Promote positive sportsmanship by encouraging
players to focus on the strategies employed, the fun experienced, and the
learning opportunities gained.
-
Remain calm in the face of negative reactions,
engaging in respectful dialogues to help players understand how their behaviour
affects the overall experience.
-
Clearly communicate expectations for respectful behaviour
and sportsmanship, establishing guidelines for handling disagreements and
resolving conflicts constructively.
-
Regularly seek feedback from players to identify
areas for improvement and address concerns, ensuring a positive and inclusive
experience for all.
Board and card games are meant to be enjoyable pursuits. By cultivating a culture of positive sportsmanship and promoting fair play, you can guide players towards gracefully accepting defeats and embracing the camaraderie, learning, and fun that these games offer.
NB - Dear reader and friend, if you have read up to this point I would appreciate it if you could reach out through the BGhaven Facebook group and share your thoughts about this subject. I am interested in any experiences you might be willing to share or perhaps an opinion you might have matured over the years. Also if you have any questions please do not hesitate to get in touch and I will try and get back to you at the earliest.
Until next time!
